Good morning sunshines,
How does it make you feel to read that in the morning? Does it make you feel optimistic, and put a smile on your face? Or does it make you want to roll your eyes, because you haven’t had your coffee yet? It’s all about perspective. You decide on how you want to read this message.
The older I get the more I have learned about myself. About who I want around me, the energy and vibes that it gives me being around certain people. Happiness is a choice. That sentence is a common topic I have been reading, and hearing about. “Happiness is a choice”, it stuck to me. Now I can’t get that sentence out of my head. How do you choose to be happy? I have recently learned that the answer is, changing myself then my environment.
The first step for me taking charge of my life, and the energy around me was to evaluate my situation. Before I could work on myself, I needed to know what were the problems I would have to solve. I asked myself the following questions, “Why am I feeling how I’m feeling?”, “What can I do to change it?”, “Who is going to stop me?”, and most importantly “How am I going to change it?”.
For the last couple of months, some of you probably have noticed my online presence hasn’t been as active as it used to be. The truth is, I wasn’t feeling like myself. I was an emotional rollercoaster, and I still feel like I’m getting myself together. Fellas y’all might not get me on this one, but Ladies you will. See, I was on the pill, and I didn’t expect it would have all the side effects on me that I thought it would. All I heard when I got on it was, “it will clear acne, and reduce periods” as a woman it was all I needed to hear to get on it. Unfortunately, thats not how it went down for me. (Disclaimer: not everyone has the same side effects as me please consult with your doctor as I’m not yours).
Instead, I gained weight, became self-conscience, and my hormones caused my emotions to be a hot mess. I realized that I wasn’t acting like myself. At moments I would even think to myself, “Why am I feeling like this?”, and “Why can’t I stop crying?”. The moment I answered those questions I knew I had to take action. For my own health. Not only did I decide to get off the pill, but that day I also chose to be happy. I decided that I don’t ever want to feel that way again, and won’t let anything or anyone take that from me.
Once you take charge of your situation everything falls into place. You’ll start tackling your goals, and getting over fears/doubts. I set a goal for myself this year, I have been putting off for the longest! You’re going to laugh when I tell you what it is, to ride a bike!! An actual bike, not a spinning class one. I used to ride them all the time as a kid, but as an adult I lost practice. It was like starting all over. I even bought a bike, so that I could force myself to riding one more often. Life is short, and I told myself I’m not ready to leave this planet until I can ride a bike around my city (OK,OK,OK, maybe just like a critical mass or something). After writing all my goals down from biggest to smallest ( it’s easier for me to write my big goals first), I realized something. The people around you matter, their vibes when you tell them about your dreams/goals/problems matters. We hate to admit it, but other people’s reaction to us effects us.
The truth is that as much as we would like to, we can’t change other people. We can’t make them see the world in a way we do, because they are living in their own world. In their world, they probably view us as not understanding them either. Which is why it is wise to communicate with people, especially those we love. We might not see eye to eye often, but if you chose to have any type of relationship with someone (whether it’s friends, co-workers, family, etc.) empathy and communication are required. I one time read somewhere that, you should not allow yourself to be an emotional garbage can. That means, someone who gets all the negative emotions poured on them by everyone.
Eventually, you will be doing the same to other people and it will be a domino effect. I’m not telling you to stop talking to people about what is going on in your life whether it’s good or bad, but what I am telling you is that you should also ask them about their good/bad too. There aren’t any one way streets in healthy relationships. I am blessed enough to surrounded by a great support system. When I told them what was going on in my life, not only did they listen, but they were quick to make a plan to help me out. They didn’t even ASK! They were just waiting for me to communicate with them on what was going on.
I was the person stopping myself from getting better. That was something hard for me to admit. I thought I could handle everything on my own, and that no one would notice what was going on inside. I let go of myself, and started to distance myself from people even if they were right there in front of me. I was too busy in my own head trying to figure myself out. I had stopped going to the gym, because I was self-conscience and mentally exhausted from overthinking. Which led to more weight gain! Reading that sounds silly to me now, but I had trapped myself in my own bad thoughts.
When I decided to take charge of my life again, I started to think of the question “how?”. How am I going fix this? I already figured out the problems, so now it was time to think of my solutions. It was like being in elementary school working on a science project, but this time my life was the project.
Weight gain? Go to the gym and have a balanced diet.
Negative minset? Change the books, music, podcasts, shows, and the people that surround you.
Soul is hungry? Go to church, read the Bible,meditate, or travel. Even helping others feeds the soul! Go to lunch with those who inspire you, and feed off of each other. Whatever works for you.
Who is going to stop me? NO ONE! the only person that can sabotage your plans is yourself.
There are many things in life we cannot control, but the one thing we can control is ourselves. How we react in our circumstances, and what we choose to do with our problems. What are you going to do today to get you closer to where you want to be in life? Whether it’s emotional, physical, or spiritual.
I know this post was way more personal than some of my other posts, but writing to me isn’t just something I do because it’s trending. Writing for me is therapy, and if someone out there is going through something similar I want you to know that you’re not alone, and we’ll get through it together 🙂 I’m still on my path, and don’t worry I’ll stay posted.
Until next time,
(I think after this post y’all know me well enough to call me that)